Some people feel more guilt than others.
There's nothing wrong with feeling guilty when you really have something to feel guilty about -- in fact I'd be worried if you didn't feel guilt in these circumstances.
The guilt I am concerned with here is when a person experiences this emotion seemingly automatically, whether it is warranted or not.
For instance guilt about a decision made that does not suit absolutely everybody.
Then there's the guilt about changing, or not changing at all.
Or feeling guilty about bettering yourself for fear of leaving others behind.
In other words guilt felt as a matter of course.
It is important to manage these feelings because if you expect to feel guilt about anything you want out of life, you may choose never to act at all.
How will you have an optimal life, with guilt holding you back? What follows are some things to reflect on to help you overcome those guilty feelings.
The old adage holds true: everything in moderation.
Even guilt.
1 It is okay to be happy, pursue happiness and to aim to get the best out of your life.
You being happy is not depriving another person in the world of happiness.
Everybody has ups and downs so take care to enjoy the good times.
Challenge your unhelpful beliefs.
Perhaps ask yourself objectively if you were seeing a friend experiencing such feelings of guilt, what would you say to them? 2 Reflect on the rules you impose on your life and the judgements you put on yourself.
Where did they come from? Who is the voice in your head? Your mother? Society in general? Somebody you made up that doesn't even exist? If you can recognise that the thoughts are yours then you will feel better able to change them.
Rewrite the rules.
Say to yourself: "it is okay to make my own decisions and feel good about it.
" 3 Guilt may arise when there is a mismatch between your behaviour and your values and beliefs.
To eliminate the guilt you may want to change one or the other.
4 Some people won't stop working because they feel guilty at the idea of relaxing.
Recognise that it is okay to take time for yourself.
Look at it this way: pushing yourself to illness or burnout makes you good to nobody and less than fully functioning -- imagine your guilt then! 5 Take control where you can.
If guilt has been holding you back for some time this may be easier said than done.
However, I suggest you start small and go from there.
List the things you would like to do, then allow time for them each week.
Take chances and make your own choices.
As you see the positive impact your new behaviour brings, draw on your courage to step it up a gear.
Soon you'll be saying no to extra work you don't have time for and instead of feeling guilt you can use your energies to focus and thrive on your own projects.
6 Of course it is important to deal with guilt that is warranted.
When you make a mistake, own up and apologise as soon as possible.
Then forgive yourself.
There's nothing wrong with feeling guilty when you really have something to feel guilty about -- in fact I'd be worried if you didn't feel guilt in these circumstances.
The guilt I am concerned with here is when a person experiences this emotion seemingly automatically, whether it is warranted or not.
For instance guilt about a decision made that does not suit absolutely everybody.
Then there's the guilt about changing, or not changing at all.
Or feeling guilty about bettering yourself for fear of leaving others behind.
In other words guilt felt as a matter of course.
It is important to manage these feelings because if you expect to feel guilt about anything you want out of life, you may choose never to act at all.
How will you have an optimal life, with guilt holding you back? What follows are some things to reflect on to help you overcome those guilty feelings.
The old adage holds true: everything in moderation.
Even guilt.
1 It is okay to be happy, pursue happiness and to aim to get the best out of your life.
You being happy is not depriving another person in the world of happiness.
Everybody has ups and downs so take care to enjoy the good times.
Challenge your unhelpful beliefs.
Perhaps ask yourself objectively if you were seeing a friend experiencing such feelings of guilt, what would you say to them? 2 Reflect on the rules you impose on your life and the judgements you put on yourself.
Where did they come from? Who is the voice in your head? Your mother? Society in general? Somebody you made up that doesn't even exist? If you can recognise that the thoughts are yours then you will feel better able to change them.
Rewrite the rules.
Say to yourself: "it is okay to make my own decisions and feel good about it.
" 3 Guilt may arise when there is a mismatch between your behaviour and your values and beliefs.
To eliminate the guilt you may want to change one or the other.
4 Some people won't stop working because they feel guilty at the idea of relaxing.
Recognise that it is okay to take time for yourself.
Look at it this way: pushing yourself to illness or burnout makes you good to nobody and less than fully functioning -- imagine your guilt then! 5 Take control where you can.
If guilt has been holding you back for some time this may be easier said than done.
However, I suggest you start small and go from there.
List the things you would like to do, then allow time for them each week.
Take chances and make your own choices.
As you see the positive impact your new behaviour brings, draw on your courage to step it up a gear.
Soon you'll be saying no to extra work you don't have time for and instead of feeling guilt you can use your energies to focus and thrive on your own projects.
6 Of course it is important to deal with guilt that is warranted.
When you make a mistake, own up and apologise as soon as possible.
Then forgive yourself.
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