NO-ONE thinks twice about children talking to themselves.
It's a normal part of childhood and we've all done it.
Kids often verbalize aloud when they're learning to read.
Some of us keep doing it even when we're adults.
I know a woman who chats to her impressive collection of teddy bears whenever she's in the same room.
However, as time goes on, while we may still listen to the voices in our head, we become self-conscious about being overheard because people who talk to themselves in public are thought to have something wrong with them.
In big cities, you occasionally see someone wandering along the street having a conversation with themselves.
I've even encountered this in sedate Edinburgh, which by no stretch of the imagination comes into the big city league (I'm talking about Edinburgh, Scotland, not its namesake 'Edinburg' in Indiana).
Difficult It's clear that these people have a problem and need help.
The fact that most passers-by give them a wide berth, and social services never seem to get involved, is an indictment on our society.
But the point I'm making is this: if everyone who talked to themselves was mentally unbalanced, it would apply to the entire population, because experts agree that (a) it's perfectly normal and healthy and (b) EVERYBODY does it, whether they're aware of it or not.
"Talking to one's self is universal," says psychologist Ellen Hendriksen Ph.
D, a clinical psychologist at the Stanford University school of medicine.
"You're simply thinking out loud, which is not only normal, but beneficial.
It's so common that it has a name: private speech.
The need to talk to ourselves sticks around for a lifetime.
It pops back up to the surface whenever we learn new things or find ourselves in a difficult situation.
" I don't think I'm in any danger of joining the ranks of the street speakers mentioned above.
But I do use self talk-out loud, even-when I want to remember where I'm putting something that's likely to get mislaid: my wallet/spectacles/whatever.
Deadline I say: "putting the spectacles there," and that fixes the location in my mind.
And it always does the trick.
I also deploy it quite often when I've formed the intention to do something.
It doesn't matter if it's trivial or important.
If I'm struggling with temporary writer's block, I'll say: "Martin, you're a writer, and there's a deadline.
Start producing words!" Words then start to flow.
So self-talk is useful.
Just don't do it in the street.
Subtle The Australian Reach Out program says that self talk is basically our inner voice, the voice in our minds which says things we don't necessarily say out loud.
Often self-talk happens without us even realizing it and can be a subtle running commentary going on in the background of our mind.
But what we say in our mind can determine a lot of how we feel about who we are.
Reach Out recommends three things we can do that can help with changing the direction of our self-talk.
- Listen to what you're saying to yourself - Monitor your self-talk (is it more positive or negative?) - Change your self-talk by countering negative thoughts with positive ones.
Monologue Here's another tip, based on the findings of research carried out at the University of Michigan.
Psychologist Ethan Kross found that choosing your own name rather than saying "I" changes the way you feel and behave.
Kross asked volunteers to deliver a short speech with only five minutes of mental preparation.
As they were thinking about it, he asked some of them to talk to themselves, addressing themselves as "I".
He asked the others to refer to themselves in the third person, or to use their own names as they got their speeches ready.
The results were interesting.
Kross says the people who used "I" had a mental monologue that sounded something like, "Oh, my god, how am I going to do this? I can't prepare a speech in five minutes without notes.
It takes days for me to prepare a speech!" Emotional But the people who used their own names were more likely to give themselves support and advice, saying things like, "Ethan, you can do this.
You've given a ton of speeches before.
" Exactly the point I was making about overcoming writer's block.
Perhaps because they were able to get some distance from themselves, this group sounded more rational and less emotional, says Kross.
"It's almost like you're duping yourself into thinking about yourself as though you were another person.
" So next time you do something stupid, don't beat yourself up about it.
Instead of saying "I'm an idiot", say instead: (your name), "Why did you do that?" Damaging Shad Helmstetter PhD, is the author of what's probably the definitive book on the subject: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.
"We all talk to ourselves all of the time," he says, "usually without realizing it.
And most of what we tell ourselves is negative, counterproductive and damaging...
preventing us from enjoying a fulfilled and successful life.
" Helmstetter points out that we have to learn to talk to ourselves in new ways.
He suggests that we listen to what we're actually saying to ourselves and turn all the negative, self-defeating examples around.
It's because of the negative programming most of us get (and are still getting from newspapers and television news programs), that our self-talk is largely downbeat.
Self-induced "Leading behavioural researchers have told us that as much as 77 per cent of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us," says Helmstetter.
"At the same time, medical researchers have said that as much as 75 per cent of all illnesses are self-induced...
that means that as much as 75 per cent or more of our programming is the wrong kind.
" Wow! So what's important is to be aware of the negatives and turn them into positive, action-oriented statements that put us in control of our life.
At that point, remarkable things start to happen.
Dramatic "By learning how to talk to yourself in new ways, you'll notice a dramatic improvement in all areas of your life.
You'll feel better and accomplish more.
It will help you achieve more at work and at home, lose weight, overcome fears, stop smoking and become more confident.
" Who could argue with any of that? So get going and start a conversation with yourself.
After all, it's going on already, so you might as well join in.
Start making the changes that will help you, motivate you, and stop you getting in your own way.
It's a normal part of childhood and we've all done it.
Kids often verbalize aloud when they're learning to read.
Some of us keep doing it even when we're adults.
I know a woman who chats to her impressive collection of teddy bears whenever she's in the same room.
However, as time goes on, while we may still listen to the voices in our head, we become self-conscious about being overheard because people who talk to themselves in public are thought to have something wrong with them.
In big cities, you occasionally see someone wandering along the street having a conversation with themselves.
I've even encountered this in sedate Edinburgh, which by no stretch of the imagination comes into the big city league (I'm talking about Edinburgh, Scotland, not its namesake 'Edinburg' in Indiana).
Difficult It's clear that these people have a problem and need help.
The fact that most passers-by give them a wide berth, and social services never seem to get involved, is an indictment on our society.
But the point I'm making is this: if everyone who talked to themselves was mentally unbalanced, it would apply to the entire population, because experts agree that (a) it's perfectly normal and healthy and (b) EVERYBODY does it, whether they're aware of it or not.
"Talking to one's self is universal," says psychologist Ellen Hendriksen Ph.
D, a clinical psychologist at the Stanford University school of medicine.
"You're simply thinking out loud, which is not only normal, but beneficial.
It's so common that it has a name: private speech.
The need to talk to ourselves sticks around for a lifetime.
It pops back up to the surface whenever we learn new things or find ourselves in a difficult situation.
" I don't think I'm in any danger of joining the ranks of the street speakers mentioned above.
But I do use self talk-out loud, even-when I want to remember where I'm putting something that's likely to get mislaid: my wallet/spectacles/whatever.
Deadline I say: "putting the spectacles there," and that fixes the location in my mind.
And it always does the trick.
I also deploy it quite often when I've formed the intention to do something.
It doesn't matter if it's trivial or important.
If I'm struggling with temporary writer's block, I'll say: "Martin, you're a writer, and there's a deadline.
Start producing words!" Words then start to flow.
So self-talk is useful.
Just don't do it in the street.
Subtle The Australian Reach Out program says that self talk is basically our inner voice, the voice in our minds which says things we don't necessarily say out loud.
Often self-talk happens without us even realizing it and can be a subtle running commentary going on in the background of our mind.
But what we say in our mind can determine a lot of how we feel about who we are.
Reach Out recommends three things we can do that can help with changing the direction of our self-talk.
- Listen to what you're saying to yourself - Monitor your self-talk (is it more positive or negative?) - Change your self-talk by countering negative thoughts with positive ones.
Monologue Here's another tip, based on the findings of research carried out at the University of Michigan.
Psychologist Ethan Kross found that choosing your own name rather than saying "I" changes the way you feel and behave.
Kross asked volunteers to deliver a short speech with only five minutes of mental preparation.
As they were thinking about it, he asked some of them to talk to themselves, addressing themselves as "I".
He asked the others to refer to themselves in the third person, or to use their own names as they got their speeches ready.
The results were interesting.
Kross says the people who used "I" had a mental monologue that sounded something like, "Oh, my god, how am I going to do this? I can't prepare a speech in five minutes without notes.
It takes days for me to prepare a speech!" Emotional But the people who used their own names were more likely to give themselves support and advice, saying things like, "Ethan, you can do this.
You've given a ton of speeches before.
" Exactly the point I was making about overcoming writer's block.
Perhaps because they were able to get some distance from themselves, this group sounded more rational and less emotional, says Kross.
"It's almost like you're duping yourself into thinking about yourself as though you were another person.
" So next time you do something stupid, don't beat yourself up about it.
Instead of saying "I'm an idiot", say instead: (your name), "Why did you do that?" Damaging Shad Helmstetter PhD, is the author of what's probably the definitive book on the subject: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.
"We all talk to ourselves all of the time," he says, "usually without realizing it.
And most of what we tell ourselves is negative, counterproductive and damaging...
preventing us from enjoying a fulfilled and successful life.
" Helmstetter points out that we have to learn to talk to ourselves in new ways.
He suggests that we listen to what we're actually saying to ourselves and turn all the negative, self-defeating examples around.
It's because of the negative programming most of us get (and are still getting from newspapers and television news programs), that our self-talk is largely downbeat.
Self-induced "Leading behavioural researchers have told us that as much as 77 per cent of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us," says Helmstetter.
"At the same time, medical researchers have said that as much as 75 per cent of all illnesses are self-induced...
that means that as much as 75 per cent or more of our programming is the wrong kind.
" Wow! So what's important is to be aware of the negatives and turn them into positive, action-oriented statements that put us in control of our life.
At that point, remarkable things start to happen.
Dramatic "By learning how to talk to yourself in new ways, you'll notice a dramatic improvement in all areas of your life.
You'll feel better and accomplish more.
It will help you achieve more at work and at home, lose weight, overcome fears, stop smoking and become more confident.
" Who could argue with any of that? So get going and start a conversation with yourself.
After all, it's going on already, so you might as well join in.
Start making the changes that will help you, motivate you, and stop you getting in your own way.
Source...