Raising young children can be tiring physically but very rewarding emotionally as you watch them become independent.
However, it's when they grow up, or turn into teenagers that your parenting is really tested.
Parents with young children spend a majority of their time caring for and protecting them.
They are completely devoted to keeping their children safe, well and happy.
That deep level of codependency, between parent and child, ensures the survival of the children.
However, change tends to come very quickly.
As they grow and develop, children learn to do things for themselves, and then insist on independence.
They develop their own personalities and their own way of doing things.
When children are young, celebration comes often.
Each time your young children learn to do something independently, like tie their shoelaces, hammer a nail or write a story is a time for celebration.
Then, before you know it, your children become teenagers and everything changes.
The teenage years are filled with rapid physical and emotional transitions from childhood to adulthood.
Their bodies begin to change.
They feel very "adult.
" They begin to flex the freedom you so strongly encouraged up to now.
As children in healthy families grow into their teens and become increasingly independent of their parents, the parents normally become less and less emotionally involved in the lives of their offspring.
The love, guidance and friendship continue, but the codependency drops away.
Some Families Get Stuck In some families, the level of parental involvement does not diminish through the teen years and even early adult years.
The two generations may remain so codependent that the relationship becomes an ongoing liability for both.
In this type of codependent relationship when the teenager makes a scary choice, the parents panic.
Just when the teen begins to make faltering steps to handle adult issues, some parents in their fear become more restrictive and less trusting.
They desperately try to regain control, just when they should be letting go.
Parents who can't let go typically fluctuate among the unhealthy alternatives of disowning the teen, rescuing him, punishing him and bribing him.
For teenagers, the typical result is choosing to leave home too early in a defiant attempt to take responsibility for themselves.
"Our kids have just as much right to make poor choices as we did at that age.
" Think back to when your teenager was a child.
Did you teach them to take responsibility from an early age? Yes.
Did you hold them accountable to increasing degrees as they progressed through childhood? Yes.
Did you love them and show it? Yes.
So, what went wrong with your parenting? Probably very little! Our children have just as much right to make poor choices as we did.
If we taught them well, they know what to do.
Whether or not they draw on what they were taught is their choice.
Most will make a few mistakes and learn from those mistakes, just as we did.
Trust Trust is a key issue.
Believe it or not, your teens need your trust in their transition to adulthood.
If you are asking yourself how you went wrong, it is a sure sign you don't trust yourself.
Cut yourself some slack or you won't be able to maintain what your children need most in their transition.
They need an ongoing, loving, respectful relationship with their parents, based on mutual trust.
Remember, your children are hard-wired to learn, love and grow into productive adults.
They need to be emotionally and intellectually independent of their parents.
It's their job to learn to be independent of their parents in every sense.
And it's your job as a parent to further release control and to facilitate and respect their choices.
So, cut yourself some slack when you see your teens making poor choices as they enter adulthood.
Trust that you did a good job as a parent in raising them.
And, remember, whatever choices they do make, keep an open, loving communication line with them.