The ways in which you love your children have great impact on their development.
Kids need to be validated simply for their very existence, as well as for the special traits and qualities they possess.
They learn who they are not only by the things we say, but more importantly by the things we do.
How we treat them conveys how loved and valued they are, which in turn helps them believe themselves to be lovable and valuable.
It's easy to validate and love your children for all the things you like about your kids.
But what if your child isn't all you had hoped for? Or your child has a trait or quality that you're not too crazy about? How do you go about validating then? We all have expectations and hopes for our kids and dreams about how our relationships will be.
For example, if Dad was a football player, he may dream of watching his son as the quarterback on the field.
Or Mom may dream of dressing her daughter in frilly dresses and bows.
However, if the son turns out to be uncoordinated and the daughter a tomboy, disappointment can arise.
Then, it may be more difficult to validate your children for who they are, because of the disappointment of who they are not.
Additionally, if your family is into sports, for example, and one of your kids prefers drama and singing, it is crucial to validate those traits.
If you don't, then she may feel inferior, or as though she is not living up to parental expectations or doesn't even belong in the family.
I frequently work with families who have fallen into this trap.
They may have one very athletic child and another who is artistic with no interest in sports.
I have actually seen parents go to one child's sporting events, while 'too busy' to attend the other child's school play or band concert.
How do you think that child feels? It is perfectly fine to have your own interests and desires for your children.
However, if their interests and abilities do not match your expectations, it is imperative that you keep your disappointment to yourself, and support them in their pursuits.
If you try to force your child to be someone she is not, or show a lack of interest for who she is, she will feel rejected, perhaps unloved and believe herself to have little worth or value.
Even though she may not be fulfilling your own dreams, she still needs you to help her fulfill hers.
Kids need to be validated simply for their very existence, as well as for the special traits and qualities they possess.
They learn who they are not only by the things we say, but more importantly by the things we do.
How we treat them conveys how loved and valued they are, which in turn helps them believe themselves to be lovable and valuable.
It's easy to validate and love your children for all the things you like about your kids.
But what if your child isn't all you had hoped for? Or your child has a trait or quality that you're not too crazy about? How do you go about validating then? We all have expectations and hopes for our kids and dreams about how our relationships will be.
For example, if Dad was a football player, he may dream of watching his son as the quarterback on the field.
Or Mom may dream of dressing her daughter in frilly dresses and bows.
However, if the son turns out to be uncoordinated and the daughter a tomboy, disappointment can arise.
Then, it may be more difficult to validate your children for who they are, because of the disappointment of who they are not.
Additionally, if your family is into sports, for example, and one of your kids prefers drama and singing, it is crucial to validate those traits.
If you don't, then she may feel inferior, or as though she is not living up to parental expectations or doesn't even belong in the family.
I frequently work with families who have fallen into this trap.
They may have one very athletic child and another who is artistic with no interest in sports.
I have actually seen parents go to one child's sporting events, while 'too busy' to attend the other child's school play or band concert.
How do you think that child feels? It is perfectly fine to have your own interests and desires for your children.
However, if their interests and abilities do not match your expectations, it is imperative that you keep your disappointment to yourself, and support them in their pursuits.
If you try to force your child to be someone she is not, or show a lack of interest for who she is, she will feel rejected, perhaps unloved and believe herself to have little worth or value.
Even though she may not be fulfilling your own dreams, she still needs you to help her fulfill hers.
Source...