©2008
I've become empowered, in total and full control of my life, even when there's something that blindsides you when you least expect it. The thing is, I didn't ask, seek or want this new empowerment. I thought I was doing okay. I was married 20 years with three beautiful boys (okay, they wouldn't appreciate that description, but they are beautiful human beings.)
I had been published in women's fiction, my life long dream and then wham! life or whatever hit me in the face. I was forced into a lifestyle change by my husband's illness and subsequent death. I had always considered myself an independent, self-sufficient person, but suddenly, I was Numero Uno and many days I didn't know which end was up. Everything fell to me, whether it was figuring out where the money was to come from for the next car payment, or it was juggling schedules for the kids. I felt raw, needful, secretive about my sometimes depressing feelings, but hey, I was the one making the decisions and I took the bull by the horns and charged ahead. I was scared many times, and that was just the tip of the iceberg.
However, I slowly, over four plus years, began to discover the person I was meant to be. The person who had always been inside me but perhaps if I hadn't had my exact life experiences, I may have never met this person fully face to face. My life changed, I grew, my quest for knowledge was a deep thirst, and sometimes I didn't even have a clue for what I was searching. Many times I felt clueless about what life seemed to be dishing out to me.
Now, in hindsight, I understand so much more about what was happening in my life. My dating failures made me realize I was letting myself be a doormat. My trauma when my boys had big and small troubles made me reevaluate the way I handle stressful situations. There were many days I didn't think I could handle another crisis.
I handled all of it, lived through it and I came out whole on the other side. Slightly singed and a little wobbly, but oh, how much I have learned. I rejoice in the woman I am today. I'll be someone different next month and next year, but right now, I feel whole and almost complete as I move forward to the next phase of my empowerment. What more could we ask for?
I've become empowered, in total and full control of my life, even when there's something that blindsides you when you least expect it. The thing is, I didn't ask, seek or want this new empowerment. I thought I was doing okay. I was married 20 years with three beautiful boys (okay, they wouldn't appreciate that description, but they are beautiful human beings.)
I had been published in women's fiction, my life long dream and then wham! life or whatever hit me in the face. I was forced into a lifestyle change by my husband's illness and subsequent death. I had always considered myself an independent, self-sufficient person, but suddenly, I was Numero Uno and many days I didn't know which end was up. Everything fell to me, whether it was figuring out where the money was to come from for the next car payment, or it was juggling schedules for the kids. I felt raw, needful, secretive about my sometimes depressing feelings, but hey, I was the one making the decisions and I took the bull by the horns and charged ahead. I was scared many times, and that was just the tip of the iceberg.
However, I slowly, over four plus years, began to discover the person I was meant to be. The person who had always been inside me but perhaps if I hadn't had my exact life experiences, I may have never met this person fully face to face. My life changed, I grew, my quest for knowledge was a deep thirst, and sometimes I didn't even have a clue for what I was searching. Many times I felt clueless about what life seemed to be dishing out to me.
Now, in hindsight, I understand so much more about what was happening in my life. My dating failures made me realize I was letting myself be a doormat. My trauma when my boys had big and small troubles made me reevaluate the way I handle stressful situations. There were many days I didn't think I could handle another crisis.
I handled all of it, lived through it and I came out whole on the other side. Slightly singed and a little wobbly, but oh, how much I have learned. I rejoice in the woman I am today. I'll be someone different next month and next year, but right now, I feel whole and almost complete as I move forward to the next phase of my empowerment. What more could we ask for?
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