Some grandparents go the gift card route, and others are happy to shop from a list supplied by the parents. There are still some of us, however, who enjoy the process of picking out a gift for each and every one of our grandchildren. Those grandparents who actually shop get to see the surprise on the faces of their grandchildren. Wise shoppers may be rewarded with looks of surprise coupled with looks of pleasure.

Pleasing the parents of your grandchildren is also important. After all, they are the ones who will have to live with the item. These do's and dont's will increase your chances of choosing gifts that will be loved by both generations.

Don't give that special gift that the parents may have been planning to give.

Certain gifts, such as that first bicycle or an American Girl doll, are iconic enough that parents should get the first chance to give them. The parents may be happy to hand off the privilege to you, especially for big-ticket items, but always ask first if the gift you are considering falls into this category.

Do give gifts that are age-appropriate.

Since most toys are designed for a particular age level, this directive would seem to be an easy one to follow. It's not. Grandparents often believe that their grandchildren are more advanced than others their age, so they choose gifts designed for older children. That would be okay, except that age designations are also made with safety in mind.

Gifts for older children, for example, often have small parts that can be hazardous to little ones, or frustrating for them to keep up with. At the opposite end of the spectrum, choosing a too-babyish gift for a grandchild shows that you haven't been paying close attention.

Don't give toys that require a lot of space or particular care.

Consider the family's living arrangements when buying toys. Large toys such as swing sets or playhouses aren't good choices for families who live in small spaces or for those who must move frequently. Toys that require a lot of supervision, such as chemistry sets, aren't optimal for families with crowded schedules.
 

Ask before giving noisy toys.

Giving the grandchildren a drum kit may your idea of an appropriate payback, but your grandchildren's parents may not be amused. Check with them before giving musical gifts. When buying electronic toys, check for a volume control, or listen to the sounds to make sure they are not too annoying.

Do read the reviews before you buy.

Whether you are shopping in a store or online, reading the reviews can tell you whether a toy is the right fit for a particular child. You'll have to look beyond the number of stars, however, and don't put too much stock in one or two reviews, whether glowing or negative.

Consider the parents' values and parenting philosophies.

Those who follow slow parenting or green parenting, for example, may not want their children to have toys that require batteries. Many parents do not approve of toy guns. Some disapprove of traditional toy guns but will allow Nerf guns. If you don't know enough about the parenting philosophies that guide your grandchildren's households, start the conversation.

Don't play favorites; have a plan and stick to it.

If one child or one family has a greater need than the others, it may be okay to give more to that child or that family. Perhaps you want to spend more on the older grandchildren than on the younger, on the principle that gifts for teens typically cost more than toys for toddlers. That is your choice, but let everyone know about the discrepancy in advance. Nothing plays havoc with celebrations more than the taint of perceived favoritism during the holidays.

Do consider the kids' personalities.

Some of my granddaughters like anything that is pink and sparkly; another one asked for a boys' bike because of her dislike of anything feminine or fussy. I have a different issue with one of my grandsons who does not enjoy getting gifts that are "off the list," although he may learn to like such gifts later on. If I give him a surprise gift, I have to pair it with a gift that is exactly what he asked for. Others of my grandchildren delight in getting surprises. To handle gift-giving occasions with grace, grandparents need a understanding of their grandchildren that goes far beyond what size they wear.

Perhaps there was a time when grandchildren would cherish anything given to them by a grandparent. This is not that time, at least in most families. If you observe your grandchildren closely, you will know whether you are hitting or missing the mark. If you are consistently missing it, maybe it's time to consider the gift card after all.