Parents, do you remember the time when you had your child home and took care of him/her? Then that sweet child of yours leaves home for college.
Remember how you felt when your child went away? Then as your child learned to adjust to his/her new environment, you also had to adjust your changed environment.
After you got into a certain rhythm or pattern your child did also.
He/she became more independent.
Now your child is no longer just a child but has evolved into being an adult.
Being so, now your child’s attitude and personality has changed.
He/she is not the same person you know when the child left.
You may have in your mind that when your child comes back he/she can resume doing the chores, keep the same curfew he/she once had, and follow the rules of the family.
You may be so anxious to see your child that you bombard him/her with questions, seeking to know what they have done or are doing in their studies, who their friends are, and try to take advantage of every single minute with your child.
On the other hand, your college kid may want to act like he did while at college.
He may want to sleep late, hang around with old friends, or do whatever he/she may want.
The one thing you have to take into consideration is that your child has been away from you for quite some time and has developed certain attitudes, structures, and a certain state of mind that has been placed solidly in their mind and daily regimen.
And they are now use to it.
And probably like their new role.
Because of this if you aren’t careful with how you treat your child when he/she returns home; you could alienate that child for quite a long time, maybe for years.
Your child may grow to resent you and develop a hatred for you.
Your child will become so distant that he/she won’t want to come home for any other holiday or family gatherings.
How can you, as parents, avoid this from happening? Here are some tips that may help you adjust to when your child returns home from college for the very first time.
1.
Negotiate with your child immediately: As soon as possible, perhaps around dinner, you should present to your child issues such as curfews, use of the car, phone and Internet use, using money, what friends are allowed to come over, and many other household responsibilities.
When you talk about these issues, compromise some, knowing your child is only going to home for a short time.
Find out what they want to do while at home and see if they will be willing to go half way with you.
2.
Be flexible: Whatever you do, you can’t force your rules on them, especially the rules you placed on them when they were there before leaving for college.
Otherwise, they will resent it and you won’t like that.
So be flexible with them.
An example of this may be regarding sleep.
Your child may want to sleep late.
If so, let him/her do so for the fist four or five days.
Then let your child know he/she has to get up sooner, so you can satisfy your normal schedule routine you developed while your child was away.
If they stay out late at night, don’t force them to come home by a certain time.
Instead request that they tell you when they will be home so you can take the steps necessary so the child can get in.
By staying out too late, they may disturb the home and wake someone up who need sleep so as to get up to work the next day.
Also, if they use the car, arrange with them when the best time of day would be good, so it doesn’t conflict with your schedule.
Also, they need to tell you where they may be, so in case there is trouble, or an accident, you will know where to go to help them.
3.
Don’t be authoritative: Being authoritative will simply force your child to back away and become resentful and frustrated.
You child may be finding adjusting to adult life harder than they thought.
As a result, they don’t need you to throw your two cents in and become demanding and start ordering your child around.
Instead, listen to them and hear what they say.
Let them discuss how they feel about issues in the home or in the world, then express your feelings.
By sharing your thoughts and feelings like this will create a stronger bond between the two of you.
4.
Accept who they are: Having been at college for a while, they learned to develop a new persona or personality.
Be aware of this and learn to accept it.
Don’t look at them as your child anymore.
Look at them as an adult.
Act like a friend to them, not as parents.
Show them you care about them and be willing to accept the new look, friends, and even their independence.
The biggest factor here is to appreciate who they are.
5.
Act like you are glad they are at home: The biggest challenge for any parent is to accept the fact their child has returned home after being away for months.
If you complain and gripe over every little thing your child does or says, will surely make the child resent coming home.
So this is the time, you as parents, need to adjust your attitude and make it look like you are glad your child has come home.
Of course, they may want to hang out with their friends while being at home.
But just casually mention you would like quality time with them to so you can do fun stuff with them before they have to go back to college.
Treat them with respect and dignity.
Greet them happily and with a big smile on your face.
But also allow them to have their freedom to a certain extent.
This way they will be happy they came home and will look forward to future quality visits with you in months and years to come.
If you wish to learn more about how to take care of your college freshmen as they come home for the holidays, so you don’t alienate them, just go to [http://www.
collegesurvivalkitforparents.
com]