There are a few things that working at a restaurant as a server over the years will teach you: 1: You have to smile at everyone.
(Regardless of whether you were late to work and you left the microwave on with your lunch in it and now you're so hungry you could eat the menus, your dog just died, you forgot to wash your apron which now has a few spots of flour and ketchup from the day before, you cannot let on to anyone you're serving or they will think you hate your job and leave you thirty-five cents for your trouble.
) 2: When first greeting a table, you may inquire how they are, take their drink order and possibly any appetizer interests, talk about the weather, make them laugh, but do not tell them your name.
How many times have you been seated at a table only to be approached by a panting, stressed out server who mumbles some nondescript "Welcome to ____, my name is Briblahblahblah, something-something to drink?" When she walks away to get your drinks you ask everyone at the table , "Do you have any idea what her name was?" After a unanimous "No" , you realize that no one cared anyway.
People come to eat.
They do not care what your name is.
Do not give strangers your unsolicited information.
If they want to know your name, they will ask.
If you tell them, one in fifty will remember your name when they leave.
3: Ghetto Lemonade, as any savvy server refers to it.
You can bet your two-thirteen-an-hour on it that you're not going to get tipped when you get a couple or a table who yell "Water with LEMON!" before you even ask them what you can get for them to drink.
If you are so lucky as to find some money left behind once the waters with lemon are gone, it will be a pile of sandy coins and lint and candy wrappers retrieved from the bottom of various handbags.
But that is a rare occasion.
4: There's a joke that some kind-hearted old Canadians once told me about their fellow brethren that went like this: "What's the difference between Canadians and a canoe?" I smiled and went along with the fun, "What?" I asked.
Their reply, "A canoe tips.
" On most days, my little Canadian jokesters were indeed correct (although they left me ten bucks) and I have often repeated that joke to myself as a playful reminder.
But since tipping (which stands for To Insure Promptness ) started in America, Americans usually leave behind the most money on the table.
In the past for example, I've served a Canadian family of six or seven who racked up a bill of one hundred fifty to two hundred dollars or more, only to have them say "Keep the change" which turned out to be about a dollar and sixty cents.
At which point, I laughed if off and thought, Hey , you can't un-teach an entire nation.
As well as Canadians , there are others who are notoriously terrible tippers: *Pennsylvanians (although they're about the nicest people you will ever serve which makes them worth while).
*Police officers among a party of six or more, they MIGHT leave you a dollar, and that's if your service was exceptional.
*Ambulance drivers (stay away from the heavy chicks with very, very short hair cuts.
*A group of women on lunch break.
(Whoa! Get ready to make about fifteen trips for "special requests," and maybe thirty cents each at the end of the meal).
*NURSES.
They are absolutely ghastly to you, they smoke, curse, drink, don't tip at all, and complain about as much as possible so that they can get something for free.
Generally, it has been my belief that they should save their own lives before going back to work to "help" others.
5: Compliments don't fill gas tanks.
I wish I could leave this statement at just that, but for anyone who has never served before, let me explain this exceedingly common disappointment.
People think that if they compliment you at the end of their meal, or leave a cute little smiley face on the credit card receipt line that reads Tip: then they think that nothing but words will pay your bills.
6: "You were an extremely good server tonight.
I really enjoyed it.
" IS THE KISS OF DEATH! I realize that this is merely an example of my preceding point, but it is so essential that I get this through, I was willing to include it independently out of necessity and humorous reasons.
7: Avoid mothers or families with a child or children under two years of age LIKE THE PLAGUE! When you're a young waitress working in South Carolina for two dollars and thirteen cents an hour, there is NOTHING that the aforementioned type of family can do or leave you to improve the situation of their very existence in your section.
Even before the meal begins, the child(ren) scream at inhuman levels that ring throughout the whole restaurant and make the plaster and paintings fall from the walls, they throw EVERY set of wrapped cutlery onto the floor, spill at least two drinks on the table, and they either eat or destroy the pile of napkins no matter where you place them on the table.
They find a way.
During the meal, the mother or father will ask you to either bring them little tiny saucers and spoons for the child(ren) so that they can eat from everyone's plates, or they will ask you in the midst of serving your five other tables to heat up a bottle of formula for them.
And when the family finishes, FINALLY, they will leave in their wake more destruction than a Level 5 hurricane that requires at least seven other servers to help sweep, wipe, and DISINFECT the entire area including the walls, ceiling, and floor eight feet away.
8: A group of men tip.
You're typically guaranteed few complaints, if any, about anything.
Men are amazing to serve.
When you see the hostess bumbling down the aisle with four jolly-looking men following in her stead, you let out a sigh of relief and walk to the table with a genuine smile for the first time that day.
They don't ask for anything fancy and just order from photos of featured meals on the menu, if they're cold they get their jacket or suck it up (they do NOT ask the server to change the temperature of the ENTIRE restaurant just for their sake when they're a little "chilly" while every server from running and doing jumping jacks for six hours is about to die of heat exhaustion), they talk easily with the server without excessively wasting her time, they pay together without asking for seven separate checks, and they leave.
Men do Not continue to sit and talk for two hours after they have finished their meals so that they cost you the money of the potential patrons who had to be sent away because your table was Still Occupied.
9: And the most refreshing thing you can say to a waitress when she is busy is "Keep the change" but only IF you have INCLUDED a decent tip.
That way she does not have to wait for the busboy to steal her money off the table while she's doing something else.
Absolutely do Not hand a waitress your money, make her print a receipt, count out exact change, hurry back to you while ignoring her five other tables just to give you your change only to hear you say "Oh, you could have kept that.
" ( I have literally, out of utter exasperation, thrown change on the floor in front of people and walked away for doing something so irritating.
You women know who you are!)
(Regardless of whether you were late to work and you left the microwave on with your lunch in it and now you're so hungry you could eat the menus, your dog just died, you forgot to wash your apron which now has a few spots of flour and ketchup from the day before, you cannot let on to anyone you're serving or they will think you hate your job and leave you thirty-five cents for your trouble.
) 2: When first greeting a table, you may inquire how they are, take their drink order and possibly any appetizer interests, talk about the weather, make them laugh, but do not tell them your name.
How many times have you been seated at a table only to be approached by a panting, stressed out server who mumbles some nondescript "Welcome to ____, my name is Briblahblahblah, something-something to drink?" When she walks away to get your drinks you ask everyone at the table , "Do you have any idea what her name was?" After a unanimous "No" , you realize that no one cared anyway.
People come to eat.
They do not care what your name is.
Do not give strangers your unsolicited information.
If they want to know your name, they will ask.
If you tell them, one in fifty will remember your name when they leave.
3: Ghetto Lemonade, as any savvy server refers to it.
You can bet your two-thirteen-an-hour on it that you're not going to get tipped when you get a couple or a table who yell "Water with LEMON!" before you even ask them what you can get for them to drink.
If you are so lucky as to find some money left behind once the waters with lemon are gone, it will be a pile of sandy coins and lint and candy wrappers retrieved from the bottom of various handbags.
But that is a rare occasion.
4: There's a joke that some kind-hearted old Canadians once told me about their fellow brethren that went like this: "What's the difference between Canadians and a canoe?" I smiled and went along with the fun, "What?" I asked.
Their reply, "A canoe tips.
" On most days, my little Canadian jokesters were indeed correct (although they left me ten bucks) and I have often repeated that joke to myself as a playful reminder.
But since tipping (which stands for To Insure Promptness ) started in America, Americans usually leave behind the most money on the table.
In the past for example, I've served a Canadian family of six or seven who racked up a bill of one hundred fifty to two hundred dollars or more, only to have them say "Keep the change" which turned out to be about a dollar and sixty cents.
At which point, I laughed if off and thought, Hey , you can't un-teach an entire nation.
As well as Canadians , there are others who are notoriously terrible tippers: *Pennsylvanians (although they're about the nicest people you will ever serve which makes them worth while).
*Police officers among a party of six or more, they MIGHT leave you a dollar, and that's if your service was exceptional.
*Ambulance drivers (stay away from the heavy chicks with very, very short hair cuts.
*A group of women on lunch break.
(Whoa! Get ready to make about fifteen trips for "special requests," and maybe thirty cents each at the end of the meal).
*NURSES.
They are absolutely ghastly to you, they smoke, curse, drink, don't tip at all, and complain about as much as possible so that they can get something for free.
Generally, it has been my belief that they should save their own lives before going back to work to "help" others.
5: Compliments don't fill gas tanks.
I wish I could leave this statement at just that, but for anyone who has never served before, let me explain this exceedingly common disappointment.
People think that if they compliment you at the end of their meal, or leave a cute little smiley face on the credit card receipt line that reads Tip: then they think that nothing but words will pay your bills.
6: "You were an extremely good server tonight.
I really enjoyed it.
" IS THE KISS OF DEATH! I realize that this is merely an example of my preceding point, but it is so essential that I get this through, I was willing to include it independently out of necessity and humorous reasons.
7: Avoid mothers or families with a child or children under two years of age LIKE THE PLAGUE! When you're a young waitress working in South Carolina for two dollars and thirteen cents an hour, there is NOTHING that the aforementioned type of family can do or leave you to improve the situation of their very existence in your section.
Even before the meal begins, the child(ren) scream at inhuman levels that ring throughout the whole restaurant and make the plaster and paintings fall from the walls, they throw EVERY set of wrapped cutlery onto the floor, spill at least two drinks on the table, and they either eat or destroy the pile of napkins no matter where you place them on the table.
They find a way.
During the meal, the mother or father will ask you to either bring them little tiny saucers and spoons for the child(ren) so that they can eat from everyone's plates, or they will ask you in the midst of serving your five other tables to heat up a bottle of formula for them.
And when the family finishes, FINALLY, they will leave in their wake more destruction than a Level 5 hurricane that requires at least seven other servers to help sweep, wipe, and DISINFECT the entire area including the walls, ceiling, and floor eight feet away.
8: A group of men tip.
You're typically guaranteed few complaints, if any, about anything.
Men are amazing to serve.
When you see the hostess bumbling down the aisle with four jolly-looking men following in her stead, you let out a sigh of relief and walk to the table with a genuine smile for the first time that day.
They don't ask for anything fancy and just order from photos of featured meals on the menu, if they're cold they get their jacket or suck it up (they do NOT ask the server to change the temperature of the ENTIRE restaurant just for their sake when they're a little "chilly" while every server from running and doing jumping jacks for six hours is about to die of heat exhaustion), they talk easily with the server without excessively wasting her time, they pay together without asking for seven separate checks, and they leave.
Men do Not continue to sit and talk for two hours after they have finished their meals so that they cost you the money of the potential patrons who had to be sent away because your table was Still Occupied.
9: And the most refreshing thing you can say to a waitress when she is busy is "Keep the change" but only IF you have INCLUDED a decent tip.
That way she does not have to wait for the busboy to steal her money off the table while she's doing something else.
Absolutely do Not hand a waitress your money, make her print a receipt, count out exact change, hurry back to you while ignoring her five other tables just to give you your change only to hear you say "Oh, you could have kept that.
" ( I have literally, out of utter exasperation, thrown change on the floor in front of people and walked away for doing something so irritating.
You women know who you are!)
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