Parenting Children: What to Do When Your 6-8 Year Old Wants to Sleep In Your Bed
You've finally mastered the art of helping your preschooler get to sleep - and stay asleep- in their own bed.
For several months, perhaps even a year, your 6-8 year old has been pretty good about going to bed on time (relatively) and staying there for the night.
So when your first or second grader suddenly begins asking to sleep with you, you may find yourself asking in shock, "Didn't I do this already?!" Actually, a renewed desire to get into their parents' bed is not uncommon at this age.
Here are some tips you can use to help your child settle down in their own bed: 1.
Give in for a little while.
Some children have a strong need to sleep in their parents' bed.
If the bed is large enough, it might be easier on everyone to allow your child to sleep with you for a limited time.
Even if your child has already started sleeping in your bed for a few nights, you can simply explain to your child that you'll let them sleep in your bed up to a specific time.
Then mark on the family calendar what day they will begin sleeping in their own, and remind them to mark off each day that has passed.
You can plan something special for the last night, like a popcorn and movie night in your bed, celebrating the night they will be "grown-up" enough, or brave enough to sleep in their bed on their own.
This method does NOT work, however, if your child is the type who resists change, is very strong-willed, or who holds onto patterns once they're started and won't give them up.
2.
Take your child's fears seriously.
Children of this age can be vivid dreamers.
Their dreams may be heavily influenced by frightening things they've seen, read, or heard.
It's not until your child is eight or older that she learns how to protect herself by closing her eyes, or avoiding a scary movie or story altogether.
In the meantime, it helps if you take your child's fears seriously.
At this age your child realizes that bad things can happen, and that their parents can't always prevent them from happening.
Their fears often stem from the understanding that they may be relatively powerless to prevent things from happening to the ones they love.
Boys, for example, may dream of fires, while girls may dream of things happening to their mothers.
The best thing to do is to sympathize with the feelings behind the fear.
If your daughter says she dreamt mom got hurt in a car accident, the last thing you should do is explain how unlikely a car accident is to happen, or how her mother wears her seat belt every time.
Instead, sympathize how scary that must make her feel, or how sad.
Having her fears validated will allow her to let go of them, or at least be willing to let them go for a while.
3.
Try incentives.
Often a little incentive plan will be enough to keep your child in bed.
For the most part, they are old enough to enjoy sleeping in their beds (and to realize that most kids their age sleep in theirown beds), and simply need a little extra comfort or help dealing with their fears.
An incentive plan will generally be enough to help them get over this temporary difficulty.
Consider helping your child earn a prize that has something to do with bedtime.
For example, new books, bedding, or a lamp might be good choices.
Then, decide how long it will take for your child to get the prize.
This depends partially on how long the behavior has been going on.
If it's just started (a few days or less) you shouldn't need more than a week and a half to two weeks at most.
If however this is a behavior that's been going on for several weeks, then it will take your child at least twice the time that the behavior has been going on in order to allow the new habit to take hold.
First, you'll need to be very specific about what you expect from your child.
It's not enough to say "will stay in their bed the whole night.
" Instead, choose the specific behavior you want your child to do.
For example: -changes into pajamas and brushes teeth when asked -chooses three books/stories on MP3 to read in bed -gets into bed when asked (put specific time) -stays in bed quietly (you can give extra points if the child comes to your bed but goes back to bed when asked; this would be less points than staying in bed, but still worth something) Then decide how you will reward your child.
You can give your child stickers, use points, or have your child trade stickers for points.
Then your child can use the points to work towards his prize.
You can also take a picture of the prize, cut it up into puzzle pieces, and give a puzzle piece instead of a sticker.
When your child has all the pieces of the puzzle, she gets the prize.
When your child finally completes the incentive plan, share your pleasure with their success.
And remember, however rough things get - your child will most likely be sleeping in their own bed by the time they hit their teens.
For several months, perhaps even a year, your 6-8 year old has been pretty good about going to bed on time (relatively) and staying there for the night.
So when your first or second grader suddenly begins asking to sleep with you, you may find yourself asking in shock, "Didn't I do this already?!" Actually, a renewed desire to get into their parents' bed is not uncommon at this age.
Here are some tips you can use to help your child settle down in their own bed: 1.
Give in for a little while.
Some children have a strong need to sleep in their parents' bed.
If the bed is large enough, it might be easier on everyone to allow your child to sleep with you for a limited time.
Even if your child has already started sleeping in your bed for a few nights, you can simply explain to your child that you'll let them sleep in your bed up to a specific time.
Then mark on the family calendar what day they will begin sleeping in their own, and remind them to mark off each day that has passed.
You can plan something special for the last night, like a popcorn and movie night in your bed, celebrating the night they will be "grown-up" enough, or brave enough to sleep in their bed on their own.
This method does NOT work, however, if your child is the type who resists change, is very strong-willed, or who holds onto patterns once they're started and won't give them up.
2.
Take your child's fears seriously.
Children of this age can be vivid dreamers.
Their dreams may be heavily influenced by frightening things they've seen, read, or heard.
It's not until your child is eight or older that she learns how to protect herself by closing her eyes, or avoiding a scary movie or story altogether.
In the meantime, it helps if you take your child's fears seriously.
At this age your child realizes that bad things can happen, and that their parents can't always prevent them from happening.
Their fears often stem from the understanding that they may be relatively powerless to prevent things from happening to the ones they love.
Boys, for example, may dream of fires, while girls may dream of things happening to their mothers.
The best thing to do is to sympathize with the feelings behind the fear.
If your daughter says she dreamt mom got hurt in a car accident, the last thing you should do is explain how unlikely a car accident is to happen, or how her mother wears her seat belt every time.
Instead, sympathize how scary that must make her feel, or how sad.
Having her fears validated will allow her to let go of them, or at least be willing to let them go for a while.
3.
Try incentives.
Often a little incentive plan will be enough to keep your child in bed.
For the most part, they are old enough to enjoy sleeping in their beds (and to realize that most kids their age sleep in theirown beds), and simply need a little extra comfort or help dealing with their fears.
An incentive plan will generally be enough to help them get over this temporary difficulty.
Consider helping your child earn a prize that has something to do with bedtime.
For example, new books, bedding, or a lamp might be good choices.
Then, decide how long it will take for your child to get the prize.
This depends partially on how long the behavior has been going on.
If it's just started (a few days or less) you shouldn't need more than a week and a half to two weeks at most.
If however this is a behavior that's been going on for several weeks, then it will take your child at least twice the time that the behavior has been going on in order to allow the new habit to take hold.
First, you'll need to be very specific about what you expect from your child.
It's not enough to say "will stay in their bed the whole night.
" Instead, choose the specific behavior you want your child to do.
For example: -changes into pajamas and brushes teeth when asked -chooses three books/stories on MP3 to read in bed -gets into bed when asked (put specific time) -stays in bed quietly (you can give extra points if the child comes to your bed but goes back to bed when asked; this would be less points than staying in bed, but still worth something) Then decide how you will reward your child.
You can give your child stickers, use points, or have your child trade stickers for points.
Then your child can use the points to work towards his prize.
You can also take a picture of the prize, cut it up into puzzle pieces, and give a puzzle piece instead of a sticker.
When your child has all the pieces of the puzzle, she gets the prize.
When your child finally completes the incentive plan, share your pleasure with their success.
And remember, however rough things get - your child will most likely be sleeping in their own bed by the time they hit their teens.
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